The Spirits of Our Hearts
by Orrymain
Summary: Daniel reflects on Tonane's visit to the SGC, and time spent with his studmuffin Jack!


The Spirits of Our Hearts  
  
Author: Orrymain  
  
Author Email: marciastudley@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)  
  
Category: Slash, Missing Scene/Epilogue, POV - Daniel (sort of), Established Relationship  
  
Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Season: 7 (flashback to Season 2)  
  
Spoilers: Spirits  
  
Size: 17kb; short story  
  
Written: July 19, 2003  
  
Archive: Area52, Comfort Zone, FanFiction.Net, Cartouche, AlphaGate, TheBoy  
  
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. This was a whim; all in fun. I don't have anything to do with them legally!  
  
Summary: Daniel recalls Tonane's visit to the SGC, and time spent with his studmuffin.  
  
Notes:   
  
1) Daniel's computer diary is meant to be different from his personal journal. Daniel has a purpose for this computer diary. It is meant to speak to the "they" of the "They Don't Understand" story. The "they" would be us, the readers, the outsiders, anyone looking in through the window at the lives of Jack and Daniel. Daniel's quest, at some future point in time, is to somehow share his computer diary with the "they", for awareness, acceptance, and understanding. He has no problem with sharing these written words with his partner in life as they've reached a point where Daniel is finally secure in who they are and their future.  
  
2) Jack and Daniel are noted for having what I call double conversations. A simple "Jack" could mean several things, saying much more than just the name itself. A normal question like "what are you doing" could carry multiple connotations, including feelings, desires, fears, etc. At various points during this series, these double conversations are noted like this: ""actual spoken dialogue" **(double dialogue meaning)**  
  
3) Actual excerpts from the computer diary will start with //Beginning of Daniel's Diary// and end with //End of Daniel's Diary//.  
  
The Spirits of Our Hearts  
  
By Orrymain  
  
"Danny, whatcha doing?"  
  
"Just making some notes in my computer diary."  
  
"Diary? I thought you only wrote in your journals."  
  
"I do, but this is different. I'm recording some thoughts about some of our missions. It seems inquiring minds want to know about them. Actually, they want to know about us, Jack. They seem to be obsessing about us, now that they understand a little better about who we are and what we mean to each other."  
  
"Our missions are classified, Daniel, and what inquiring minds? Just who have you been talking to?"  
  
"They have clearance, Love. C'mere, I'd like you to read this."  
  
"Daniel!"  
  
"Jack, just be quiet for a minute and come here and read this."  
  
//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//  
  
"Trinium", the General stated, explaining the new mineral recently discovered on PXY-887 which Teal'c easily crumbled in his hand. There were big hopes for this material, but SG-11 were late from their scouting mission to extract more samples.   
  
Suddenly, the klaxons blare, and the next thing I know, My Jack is on the ground, and I pull him up. As he leans back against my chest, I see the blood escaping from his right arm, through which a solid silver arrow made of this new Trinium is lodged.   
  
I want to hold him closer, more intimately, but I can't, not here in the conference room, but still, I refuse to let him go until Dr. Warner arrives to take my injured lover safely to the infirmary.   
  
We can't postpone the mission. SG-11 is still out there, but we delay until Jack will be okay. Before we head out, Sam, Teal'c and I go to see him. It's not the visit I wanted, but he looks better now, his voice is strong and his humor is in full force, teasing Sam about her first command.   
  
"SG-1 you have a go," and with that I have to turn and head for the Stargate, leaving My Jack to his worries.  
  
My Colonel always worries about me when I go through the gate without him. He hated our separations long before he ever became My Jack, but now that he is, his concern is tripled. His heart aches, and he never relaxes until he sees me return, back through gate, and into his loving arms. It's no picnic for me either. I still play my independent card, though.   
  
"You worry too much, Jack", I constantly tell him; "I'll be fine", but Jack scoffs when I say that.   
  
"You're always fine, Daniel". It's a bone of contention between us, one of those things we'll probably always bicker about until the day comes when we retire, the day the world will learn that Jack and Daniel are "us", and that means forever.   
  
My Lover and I are both strong beings. We've built up defenses designed to keep others out of our emotions, to protect ourselves from pain and despair, and loss. But now that we are "us", we've had to find a way to let go of some of our independence, to realize that it's okay to worry, to ache, to miss the other to the point of distraction.   
  
It's called love, and as crazy as it seems, as difficult it is for some to understand, my studmuffin and I are most definitely in love!"  
  
//End of Daniel's Diary//  
  
"Studmuffin, Daniel? When have you ever called me a studmuffin?"  
  
"All the time, Love. You're just usually in the process of seeing stars when I say it, too euphoric to remember."  
  
"Oh. But studmuffin? Can't you come up with something more ... dignified? I am a Colonel in the Air Force, you know. And just who are "they" who are reading this, Daniel? You keep avoiding the question."  
  
"Jack, just read."  
  
"Daniel." **(I want to know now.) **  
  
"Jack." **(Why do you have to make things so complicated?)**  
  
"Daniel." **(You're holding out on me, Danny.)**  
  
"Jack." **(If you don't keep reading, you'll see what holding out really means, Jack, because you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight ... alone.)**  
  
//Beginning of Daniel's Diary//  
  
"The mission on PXY-887 wasn't really dangerous, or we didn't think it was. We met Tonane and his spirits, Xe'ls and T'akaya, which appeared as a raven and wolf, respectively. Having had the missing SG-11 returned to us, we continued the negotiations for the Trinium, bringing Tonane back to the SGC to look at alternative mining operations.   
  
I manage to find a quick moment to sneak into the infirmary while the others are still welcoming Tonane. My Jack is dressed in his BDU's again, looking so beautiful that I want to ravish him on the spot, but his arm is in a sling, and Sam will be coming soon to give her CO a report on the mission, so I settle for a quick hello.   
  
The infirmary is busy, we can do no more than exchange looks of reassurance.   
  
I see his eyes ask, "Did everything go all right, Daniel? Are you okay?"  
  
I respond with a smile, and answer him with my eyes, "You're the one who had the arrow in his arm, Love. Are you okay?"   
  
My lover smiles in reply, and then I hear Sam. I whisper softly in his ear, "I love you, Jack" before making a hasty retreat. It's still so new, but it feels so right.  
  
Our hearts are full, of desire, lust, and unadulterated joy. We can't get enough of each other when we are alone. It's like an addiction for which there is no cure. No, not like the sarcophagus, but like chocolate -- something so sweet that it melts in our mouths, gliding its way down through our bodies, soothing, tempting, making us hungry for each other minute by minute, and while our hearts are pumping our sugary sweetness through our veins, our spirits soar in our minds, as we share our burdens and our nightmares, our dreams and our hopes.   
  
We've never been good at expecting, at planning for a future. Why plan for something that we can't have, that we know will be taken away. Yet, My Jack and I are finding a way. We ride the stars, building Stargates between them, with each kiss and touch creating a new source of energy, each caress adding a new chevron to our existence, and each orgasmic scream launching us into the belief of forever.   
  
We soar through days and nights, our spirits uniting more and more until we wonder how we could ever have been two individuals instead of one "us".  
  
Still new in our world of Jack and Daniel, I proceed to go back to the task at hand, preparing the presentation for Tonane, but he sees through our inadequacy.   
  
"I'm convinced our way is best," the Salish leader speaks. He is wise, this Tonane.   
  
General Hammond suggests (it's an order, but I prefer to think in terms of suggestions, even from the General) I show Tonane around the base. It's clear there's some not-so-pleasant things to be discussed when we leave the room. I learn later the NID was part of it. Why should I be surprised?   
  
The Trinium is highly desired, and for the first time, I'm ashamed of what was about to happen, about how Earth would be treating a new friend.   
  
"What they don't know, won't hurt them" is what Hammond had said, according to Jack. My Jack wasn't happy about it either. We agreed on this; no need for arguments.   
  
There had to be a better way, but we never had a chance to figure it out before Xe'ls and T'akaya began their take over of the base, having assumed the forms of SG-11 and other staff, sending the real people off to some invisible land.  
  
"Code 9. Code 9. This is not a drill. I repeat, not a drill."   
  
Uh oh. My Jack sounds upset as his voice comes over the speaker. I usher Tonane into a storage room. Okay, for a genius, sometimes I'm not the quickest thinker, but I wanted to get Tonane out of the way, keep him safe, and it was the closest room around.   
  
I'm worried about My Jack. The alarm continues to sound, and my pulse races. I need to be with him, to see him, to know he is safe.   
  
"We have to find Jack," I finally admit to our guest, trying to cover my concern with rapid movements, and I lead him out, into the corridors of the SGC, in search of my love.  
  
"Jack, be safe. Please be safe," I communicate silently, hoping magically that he can hear me.   
  
Then, I hear it, softly and gently, filling my mind. "Danny, be careful. It's not safe right now. I love you."   
  
My Jack is okay. I can feel him, hear him. I'm drawn to the infirmary, and there he is, but there's obviously a problem. Teal'c is holding a zat on me.   
  
"Jack?" (What's going on?)**  
  
"Daniel?" **(It is you, isn't it, Babe?)**  
  
"Are you, you?" **(Please be you. I've been worried.)**  
  
"Yeah. You?" **(Of course, I'm me; who else would I be?)**  
  
"What? **(C'mon, Jack. You know it's me.)**  
  
"Nevermind." **(For crying out loud, Daniel, no one else in the world could have these insane conversations, and I was worried about you, too.)**  
  
As we confer later, I shake my head realizing how we were about to steal from the Salish, and suggest we try honesty as our weapon of choice.   
  
"You mean fess up", My Not-So-Dumb Jack simplifies. He never wanted to be a part of the deception in the first place, so he agrees as Teal'c and I head to the gate room to go talk with the elders of the Salish, but before we can gate out, T'akaya does her invisible thing, and I struggle to convince her to give us a chance. She does agree, however, and we had back to the infirmary where Xe'ls is unconscious from injuries.  
  
As I approach, I see Jack has aimed his weapon on one of the aliens. I charge in, holding my hand out to indicate to Jack not to fire. I tell him it's okay, but My Colonel is confused, aiming his weapon at the aliens, then at me, back at the aliens, then at me again.   
  
He's scared. What if fires and I am me. I see the terror on his face, the worry in his brow, the love in his heart, fighting to know what he should do.   
  
"How do I know you're really Daniel?" **(Give me something, Danny; I'll kill myself if I kill you by accident.)**  
  
"Because." **(Who else would answer a question like that with 'because'; listen to my heart, Love; listen.)**  
  
"Yeah, okay." **(Danny, please stop scaring me like this. I know I must have another gray hair.)**  
  
We stand together side by side, taking comfort from knowing we are "us", alive and well, at least for the moment, and suddenly Xe'ls is healed by his comrades, and then just as suddenly, we are back in the gate room. T'akaya convinces Xe'ls to hear us out, keeping her promise to me, and somehow, we reach a meeting of the minds.   
  
The real SG-11 and everyone who had been taken to that place of invisibility are returned safely, and Tonane meets his spirits in their true form, and together, they return to their world. Another crisis has been averted.   
  
I see Jack looking at me. I'm tired, and he sees it. He's a little weak, not having had enough time to regain his strength from his injury. We say nothing, but head to the Briefing Room, to fill the General in on everything that happened, and then to our respective offices to prepare our reports.   
  
Janet, who had arrived in the middle of the crisis, gives My Love her seal of approval, letting me take him home. She doesn't know about "us", but she learned way back when we first visited the Land of Light, that Jack and I take care of each other. It never mattered which one of us was in need, the other was always there, and when it came time to go home, Janet would know to give the healthy one the instructions on the care and feeding of the injured one.   
  
There was no such thing as releasing Jack or Daniel to going home alone; it never happened; not once, so on this day, she clears Jack, and turns knowing I'll be there, and hands me the pills. It's not a bad injury, but the man of my dreams had lost a lot of blood, and spent the last several hours running around the SGC engaged in battle, so relaxation was called for.   
  
"No strenuous activities for 36 hours, Daniel. I'm counting on you to keep the Colonel in check."   
  
Me? She's got to be kidding. I have plans for this evening, and from the look I'm getting from My Jack, so does he. Well, I guess we'll have to figure out a compromise somehow, only how do you negotiate a compromise without revealing what the exertion in question is?   
  
Jack sees me over thinking and glares at me. Oh, sorry, Love. Let's just go home and figure it out. It's not like he's concussed or anything. After all, My Jack is a big, strong studmuffin!  
  
//End of Daniel's Diary//  
  
"Daniel?"  
  
"Yes, Jack?"  
  
"I'm going to let the studmuffin thing go, this time, but you didn't think my injury was worth being careful and understanding of? You seemed to dismiss our doctor's orders pretty easily. I'm hurt, Daniel, deeply hurt."  
  
"Can it, Jack. Don't you remember that night?"   
  
"No."  
  
"Jack? The ice cream, the whipped cream, and the peanut butter which we put in our ..."  
  
"Okay, Daniel, yes, I remember."  
  
  
  
"You weren't complaining then, Jack."  
  
"And I'm not now either. I'm just ..."  
  
"...being annoying?"  
  
"Participating! I'm reading your story and giving you feedback."  
  
"Feedback, Jack?"  
  
"Yes, feedback. You know, something that says what I like or don't like about it. A review. I'm critiquing you."  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Yes, Babe?"  
  
"I didn't ask you to be a critic; I only asked you to read it."  
  
"Don't you want to know my opinion?"  
  
"Always, Love, but right now, I thought I'd go get out the ice cream, and maybe the whipped cream, and some wine ... and I might even grab the peanut butter. Now, would you rather stay here and critique my notes, or are you coming with me?"  
  
"With you, Danny, always with you."  
  
//Epilogue//  
  
And with that, My Jack and I began a night of exploration and discovery. No matter how many times over the years we had made love, it was never old, and there was always something new and sweet to find out about the "us" of our love. Tonane's spirits had been real beings, disguised in myth as animals of the forests.   
  
Our spirits were our hearts, always open, revealing the truths of our souls to each other. We were free, to laugh, to cry, to hold, to touch.   
  
When My Jack and I are together, alone in our nation of two, we soar like eagles, our wings big and strong, moving effortlessly as we connect the layers of our skin and meld together our limbs into one, moving and flowing in a rapidly increasing rhythm that takes us over the mountaintops and into the heavens.   
  
Together, forever, My Love and I soar through our skies, and then sleep, nuzzled and entwined as if we were human blankets, protecting and loving with our bodies. Tomorrow, we'll face more battles, but the spirits of our hearts will never be defeated. Sleep, My Love. I love you.  
  
~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~ 


End file.
